Wednesday, December 23, 2009

How the Grinch Stole Health Care

Tomorrow, the Senate is expected to pass its version of health care on a 60-40 party line vote. Visit our website to learn how the bill stacks up against ACP policies and to read the letter ACP sent to the Senate leadership.

Since the vote will be taking place on Christmas Eve, I have taken the liberty of borrowing from, and in the process, butchering much of the rhyme scheme, from Dr. Seuss's famous tale of the Grinch, casting the GOP in the role of doing everything it can to stop ObamaCare from coming. Please ... all of this is intended in good fun, not a partisan or political statement. I will be taking the rest of this week and next off, so I extend my best wishes to you and your loved ones for the happiest of holidays!

Every Dem
In the Senate
Wanted health care, a lot ...

But the GOP
Who sat to their right,
Did NOT!

The GOP hated ObamaCare! The whole legislative season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be their base is far to the right.
It could be, perhaps, that money is tight,
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Is Republicans like their government small.

Whatever the reason,
Their base or their views,
They stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the bill,
Staring down with a sour, disapproving frown
They vowed they would slow the whole thing down.

"They're buying off votes!" they snarled with a sneer.
"Yet Obamacare is coming! It's practically here!"
Then they growled, with their fingers nervously drumming,
"We MUST find a way to keep health care from coming!"
For, tomorrow, they knew...

...The Dems in the Senate
Would wake up bright and early. And vote for the bill!
Then the Democrats, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
On taxpayers' dollars to feed the government beast
Which was something the GOP could not stand in the least!

And the more they thought of the Democrats winning,
The more they thought, "We must stop the whole thing!
Why all year long we've put up with it now!
We MUST stop ObamaCare from coming!
... But HOW?"

Then they got an idea!
An awful idea!

"We know just what to do!" They laughed in their throat.
“We'll stop them from ever taking a vote!"
And they chuckled, and clucked, "What a great GOP trick!
We'll filibuster the bill until they grow tired and sick!

"All we need is one Democrat ..."
They looked around.
But soon discovered there was none to be found.
Did that stop the GOP...?
No! They simply said,
"We'll make them read the bill instead!"
All 2000 pages, every chapter and verse
Sitting through that ... what could possibly be worse?

Then they took to the floor, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and demanded all be present!
Through a snowstorm! At night! You must all be here!
No matter how late! Whether far or near!

It was quarter past dawn ...
When the reading was done
But that wasn't the end of the GOP fun
They did everything they could to bring things to a halt
While telling the public it was the Democrats fault,

"Pooh-pooh to the Dems!" they were heard to be humming.
"At this rate they'll find no ObamaCare is coming!
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
Then all the Dems in the Senate will all cry BOO-HOO!

"That's a noise," grinned the GOP,
"That we simply must hear!"
So they paused. And the GOP put a hand to their ears.
And they did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow ...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

They stared down at the Democrat side
The GOP popped their eyes!
Then they shook!
What they saw was a shocking surprise!

All 60 Democrats, from big states and small,
Had voted for the bill! Reid had gotten them all!
They HADN'T stopped ObamaCare from coming!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the GOP with their feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came despite death panels! And Rush and Glenn!
Despite the Tea Parties and their angry young men!"
And they puzzled three hours, 'till their puzzler was sore.
Then they thought of something they hadn't before!
"Maybe ObamaCare," they thought, "means something more.
Maybe it would help to provide coverage to even the poor."

And what happened then...?
Well ... in Washington they say
That the GOP took heart
And vowed to fight on anyway!
"We can still kill the bill, if we just do it right,
We'll do it in conference, we'll continue this fight
Next year, we promise the voters, at least

Can still slay the ObamaCare beast!"

Today's question: How will you be spending the holidays?


Rich Neubauer MD said...

As the year comes to an end, it's a great time to thank you for blogging through the ins and outs of the reform debate. Your comments and those from your audience have been informative, provocative and enriching.

Have a great holiday and looking forward to the events of the year to come!

Joseph said...

Just a masterful bit of verse. Much appreciated as I have appreciated all your blogging through this tumultuous process known as Health Care Reform.

Steve Lucas said...


All the best to you, yours, and all those at the ACP.

Rich said it best.

Steve Lucas

Harrison said...

What a great poem and a wonderful way to move into the Holiday Season!

Unknown said...

Happy Holidays to all especially those in the ACP Washington office who made the College's health care reform efforts the best in the business. Special thanks to Bob Doherty who has kept us all better informed on the important issues driving the serpentine political landscape in DC with this blog.

May the New Year see better healthcare access, a balanced healthcare workforce, lower healthcare costs and malpractice reform.

Fred Turton

PCP said...

Nicely composed. Politics is certainly not poetic.
Thanks for keeping us all updated on the developments in the legislature.
Here's to the renaissance of Private practice Generalist led Primary care in the new year.
Merry Christmas and Happy new year to all.