The ACP Advocate Blog

by Bob Doherty

Thursday, December 22, 2011

A Very Boehner Christmas

In keeping with a tradition that I started with my first late December blog in 2008, I have taken the liberty of penning a tongue-in-cheek parody of a beloved Christmas story. It seemed fitting this year to imagine Speaker John Boehner’s Night Before Christmas, ruminating about the flak he is getting for not being able to reach a deal with Harry Reid and the Senate. (This is all intended as purely non-partisan fun, so please, please, take it in the spirit of holiday cheer and don’t take offense). Here it goes:

A Very Boehner Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House
Speaker Boehner was fuming, “Harry Reid is a louse.”
“I’ve sent him our bills to cut ObamaCare,
Yet the Senate acts like we’re not even there!

While Reid and McConnell lay all snug in their beds,

The Tea Party Caucus keeps demanding my head!
To show them I am not Obama’s sap
I even went along with their debt ceiling crap,

But if you listen to Washington’s talking heads chatter,
Nothing I do, really does matter.
As long as the Senate sends our bills to the trash,
It is MY leadership that they continue to bash!

Meanwhile, Gingrich is campaigning in the New Hampshire snow
But who can tell how this election will go?
To my wondering eyes its appears,
Gingrich as President, many doth fear,
But Romney comes across as bit too slick,
Who will the GOP decide is their pick
to rid us off Obama and his big government fix?”

And Boehner whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Bachmann, now Romney, now Huntsman and Perry!
On, Newt! on Mitt! Help make Christmas Merry!
Take us to the top of the polls! Don’t let us stall!
We must win the White House and Senate, we must have it all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So Boehner checked in first class and flew,
Back to Ohio, to the people he knew.

But the people at home were strangely aloof
They wouldn’t let him under their Country Club roof.
“A doctor,” they said, “is nowhere to be found,
Because you let their fees go way, way down,”
“Congress,” they said, “doesn’t give a hoot,
So in November, maybe, we’ll give you the boot!”

But Boehner stood his ground against the unhappy pack,
Oh, his frown -- how it wrinkled! His face wasn’t merry!
He looked like he’d eaten a too-sour cherry!
His tight little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And he told them all something they needed to know,
“It’s Obama’s fault, you know, he’s the one who must go!

(While smoke encircled his head like a wreath
From a cigarette he had clenched in his teeth),
And then, well, Boehner became his happy old self
In the end, he knew, they’d thank him, for protecting their wealth.

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He said that Republicans had nothing to dread;
As long as millions remain out of work,
They’ll vote out the Democrats, every last jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, and after one last pose;
He sprang to his car, to his driver gave a whistle,
And away they drove off, like the down of a thistle.
But they heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all (of the top 1 percent), and to all a good-night."

With that, I will be taking the next week or so off from blogging to spend time with my family, unless something really, really happens (like a Christmas miracle to stop the SGR cut) that demands commentary. I wish all of you a joyful holiday and New Year, and especially thank those of you who spend your time reading this blog and sharing your own opinions.

Today’s question: No question, just Happy Holidays!


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Bob Doherty is Senior Vice President, American College of Physicians Government Affairs and Public Policy; Author of the ACP Advocate Blog

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